The lightning rant for the week ending 12/4/11

I could fill an entire column with what I don’t like about the Williams sisters, but I won’t do that right now.  Venus had a wardrobe problem during an exhibition match this week.

Apparently tasteful tennis clothes and wardrobe design are mutually exclusive concepts in the world of Venus Williams.

Which makes this about 50 times she’s had a clothing problem or a jewelry problem or a hair problem.  For a woman who claims fashion design as a second line of work, she sure puts on some slip-shod examples of her product.

Herman Cain dropped out of the Presidential race this week.  His poor denials and explanations of his interactions with his accusers over the last several weeks were a disappointment.  I’m by no means defending the guy, he screwed himself over but for any on the left side of the aisle getting up on a soapbox right now I’d like to point out William Jefferson Clinton, a stained blue dress and the words “It all depends on what your definition of is, is.”

I’d like to warn the San Francisco 49ers that while they’re having a great season, they won’t be able to play the Rams twice in the postseason, so they better slow that swagger down.

On the college side of football, I’m pretty much convinced that while Boise State isn’t the best team in College Football, they are the most fearless.  I don’t think they would turn down a game with anybody in the top 10 and would be a team that nobody would want to play if there were ever a playoff to settle the season.

Boise State's opponents are getting used to seeing them celebrate.

So when Harry Connick Jr. … er I meant Michael Buble … sings do the women in the crowd throw their Depends on stage?

Whitney Cummings is really cute.  She’s also really annoying.  I can’t even get through one of the commercials for her show without wanting to scream.

I love my MacBook Pro, but I’m having trouble unlearning some ways of managing my files.  I know the Apple way will involve common sense, and I’m afraid that decades of Windows-based brainwashing is keeping me from intuitively finding the simple solution to my questions.

If you want an eye-opener, eat healthy for about four weeks.  Make your dinners and lunches at home and stay away from restaurant food.  Then after 4 weeks of good eating order yourself a Round Table pizza.  I guarantee you’ll be miserable by the time you go to bed.  Then ask yourself what it would mean if your body was able to handle all that grease and fat without giving you a wake-up call.

Don't let the presence of vegetables fool you; this pizza is a cholesterol and calorie bomb the likes of which your body can barely tolerate.

The allure of the McRib escapes me.  The fact that it doesn’t escape millions of Americans frightens me.

What would Ron Paul have done if he were President during WWII?  I’ve heard some people claim that Hitler never planned to invade the U.S.  According to the Ken Burns documentary The War, that’s absolutely not true.

I’m not a fan of cake, but damn I do appreciate a good milkshake.

I don’t think Tim Tebow is the messiah or anything but I do enjoy that he’s winning games and it appears to be causing visible pain to John Elway.

I saw Gwen Stefani in an interview this week and found her very unlikeable.  She strikes me as a person that cringes if she has to interact with normal people.  She’s also perfected the art of using her children as props.

I’m almost done with my Christmas shopping and proud of it.  I also can’t remember the last time I went into January still owing money on gifts that I’d bought.  The reports that this was the biggest Black Friday ever and that more purchases were bought with credit tells me we’ve learned nothing as a people.  This time around when the credit card companies have to raise interest rates to offset the high rates of defaulting it won’t matter to me because I’m not carrying any balances.

Right around this time each year, I get to wondering what the first big story of the new year is going to be.  As I ponder this I forget that there’s still time left in this year and something big nails me out of left field.  Two years ago it was the Tiger Woods car crash, I forget what last year was, but I remember being surprised by it.  So what I’m saying is that something wacky is going to happen before the end of the year, and I don’t think Herman Cain dropping his bid to be President qualifies because there’s been smoke rising from his camp for weeks now.  No, something has to come out of the blue to shock us.  A death, an arrest, maybe a marriage.  I don’t know what it is, but my spider sense is tingling.